I felt it today... Just a taste...

Fall.

The first round of apples are ready.  The pumpkins are starting to turn orange.  The blackberries are ripe and covered in gorgeous dew soaked spider webs in the morning.  The flowers are turning brown, except for the dahlias and the sunflowers.  The veggie garden is more than ready to harvest.

The mornings are beginning later and the evenings are starting earlier.  The fields are golden.  And I saw a leaf fall yesterday.  The wind from the Fraser Valley has started in the afternoons. 

The mist on the fields have thickened each morning.  I heard my first flock of geese fly over my head when it rained last.

A few years ago Fall was my favorite time of the year.  My heart would skip a beat when I would get a taste of it.  Then I was introduced to Spring...  I have to say - I love them both equally.

I love the Northwest.  I will admit there are times I need to get away from it (pretty rarely), but I truly love it.  I love the rain.  I love the sun.  I love the snow - when we get it. I love the wind storms in the fall and the thunderstorms at the most random times of the year.  I love it when it is too hot to breath, knowing tomorrow it will be over.  I love that in the Summer you can sleep with a sheet and in the Winter you can sleep with a thick down comforter. 

I am sad Summer is going, especially since it started late.  I do love the cool early mornings and the sunny afternoons and evenings.  

We have it all here in the northwest.  We don't have the extremes like other places.  We have a taste of all seasons.

I love the Northwest for the taste it gives us.

A taste of a season to a point at which one can get sick of it and then it is gone.  Gone for one more year - Maybe...

50 lbs of Pickling Cucumbers...

What does one do with 50 pounds of pickling cucumbers??

Just a few jars.

You could make Kosher Dill Pickles, Bread and Butter pickles, Hot Kosher Dill Pickles and Mustard Pickles... You could mix it up a bit and use the same recipe, but use white vinegar instead of cider vinegar.  How about doing a batch of whole pickles and the next half them??   How about giving 12 pounds of cucumbers away?  In the end remember your feet and lower back need a massage and time to recuperate...  

About one month ago I called a local farm to see if they had pickling cucumbers available.  The lady over the phone told me, "not yet, but in a few weeks they will be ready."  So I ordered two 25 boxes of cucumbers, thinking that 50 pounds wasn't too much.  Oh boy was I wrong!!!

In the end, my book project went out the door when I got my phone call from the farm I ordered them from.  My project and many other things have been on the back burner and I will be starting on my book project on Sunday, Aug 29 - take two.

I haven't been too lazy - other than making 51 pints and 7 quarts of pickling products - I have done some small stuff that makes me smile as I open my pantry and other cupboards in my home.

Clutter - you are moving out!

Confession #5: Clutter, Clutter, Clutter

I confess:

We have TOO much stuff and it drives me crazy!

Paperwork to be filed.  So many books they don't all fit on the bookshelf.  Pictures and masks that need to be hung up or taken to Goodwill.  An old computer I need to download files and recycle.  A box full of pictures and CDs of photos.  A file cabinet that needs to be emptied and taken away.  Baby stuff not using.  A freezer full of food we need to use.  Baby proofing doors, corners, etc.  Kitchen supplies unorganized.  Kitchen cabinets that need to be gutted.  A hallway full of stuff for the kitchen.  An unorganized pantry, which is full of food.  Wires that need to be tossed or labeled.

Really, I could go on and this is only the inside of the house.  The outside is it's own little world of crazy!

This is very tough for me to do, but here is what a small potion of what I am talking about looks like:

Hallway: I organized this the other day and it looks WAY better!! My husband really wants to hang shelves.

Bookshelf: Yeah the boxes near it are FULL of books...

I am speechless...

I decided to show the worst.  What is a confession if you can't just throw the worst part out for the world to see? 

The room that is in the last two photos was turned into a fabulous room - thanks to my spectacular in-laws, but instead has been turned into what Auntie Ellen and Nana call, the "Storage Room."  I hear that phrase and it makes me sick (and overwhelmed)!  This room was NOT made to be a "Storage Room!"  And I need to change this ASAP!!! 

I have a plan - I will not bore you with all the steps since this would take forever to list - ugh!

The general plan is

• Work on the stuff my husband will need to help me with, like hang pictures, move large items, etc as we go and when he has time.  
• I will also tackle small steps myself, like organize a cupboard in the kitchen, go through expired baking stuff, etc.
• The big stuff I will be breaking them down into weeks, for example:  Books.  I am going to go though all the books when little man sleeps and will pack them in my car as the week goes.  On Saturday I will take the books to Village Books to exchange as many as possible for in store credit. 

My list is long and I am expecting this to take about one month. 

My goal in the end is to have:

• Cleared out "Storage Room," so my husband and I can make the room into what we have always envisioned it to be
• Organized closets, kitchen, hallway and pantry 
• No more clutter!

This week: I am going to do the book task and will schedule a day or two with my husband to get things done where I his help.

Lets get started!!!

Updates...

Lately I have made a few confessions, which I would like to update you all on:  

Confession #2: Grounding myself from the T.V. for a week was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I completed a full week of no T.V.  My husband ended up loving it!  Reading in bed with my wonderful man was one of the best parts!  We have continued to limit T.V.  It is very easy to get back into the swing of keeping the T.V. on all day, but after a day I really was just sick to my stomach - again.  Therefore, I have started a routine, sticking to it and it is working - Yippee!!

Confession #3:  As for my body change - not really going as planned, but I am working on it  I have lost a little over 4 pounds in 2 and a half weeks.  Um wait!  I am on track!!!  Oh my!  When I really look at the pounds lost per week - lost 3 the first week and 1 on the next.  Yippee again!!  I guess I feel, I am not doing great, because I haven't been exercising as planned and still eating like I did before.  I guess a little exercise can go a long way!

Confession #4:  Yeah my plan didn't work everyday.  I am pretty sure I was asleep before 9:00 one time.  I definitely focused on it and stayed up only once passed 11 (couldn't put my new book I am reading down).  I think it is very difficult to do this when the weather is warm and sunny out, especially since in the northwest we have VERY few of these kinds of days.  I am going to continue focusing on getting bed earlier and make my goal to be asleep between 9:30 and 10:00 going forward.  If I feel like I need more rest then I will try another week of a bedtime at 8:30, maybe in late Sept or early Oct... 

Now for the a big confession, I will announce this one soon.  I think it is more like a confession that will create a lot of work for me (and my husband).  I have to plan this one out a little bit more.  Might take a month to get it all done...

Look who can pull himself up!

Up, Down - Down, Up

My child has been introduced to the world of crawling. He is amazed at himself - he can go anywhere. Just about anyway...

A few weeks ago, William started the army crawl. He is a very, very fast mover.

With two dogs and two cats our floors are not very clean, so I have been trying to keep him in an area the size of a king size sheet (yeah right...). Yesterday, our cleaning lady came over. She cleaned what I can't stand cleaning the most - the floors (and the tub). She walked out the door and I put him down to explore his new world. Oh the things he found! He has such a great time!!

Then this thing started happened... He would crawl over to me and put his hand in the air for me to pick him up. So I picked him up. Two seconds later he twisted his body, because he wanted to get back on the ground. After a few moments of crawling then his hand was back in the air and fussing... Oh my!

This morning he was tired and wanted to sleep... He pulled his Binky out of his mouth and tossed in on the ground. I left it. He turned his body around to find his Binky and then the fussing started.

It is funny to say, but I love it. I love that he is figure out the cause and effect of different things. Yes it can be frustrating, but he has figured it out pretty quick - he drops his Binky then he doesn't have the Binky anymore.

I am also finding what he wants is more complicated, but I need to remind myself that usually my first instinct is right on.

A few days ago, I was "that mother" with a fussy baby in a restaurant. The two of us were the first to show up, so I got the table ready. Fed him a bottle. I turned for a few moments and then looked back at him. He had a "I just got scared" look. I have no idea was it was, but it started a chain of events that ended with me leaving early. He started fussing - I changed his diaper, gave him food, soothed his teeth with a cool napkin, etc. Nothing work, so I decided to get going. I could see in the corner of my eye other people looking at me. The strange this was I didn't care people in a restaurant who I will never see again, especially since he doesn't act like this at all, so there was something that was bother him. Right when I got him in the car seat he was fine. He was the happiest baby for the rest of the evening (8 o'clock - when his bedtime is 6 or 7...) and didn't even cry one tear from the moment he got in the car seat.

Something scared him that evening and he couldn't tell me what it was. My gut told me that he was uncomfortable - not due to teeth, hungry belly, belly ache, tired or dirty diaper - it was more complicated than that. And I knew it. I think that there was so much going on, suggestions (which are more than welcome), other patrons, my concern for others having a good time, etc., which made me feel like a less than patient mom who didn't know what was wrong with her small child.

I will be going with my gut from now on and remind myself to breath so I can hear what it is saying.

Lucky Penny Found

About 13 years ago I started finding pennies every where. A few years later, I heard when you lose someone you love they might reach out to you through signs, one being pennies.

13 years ago we lost someone we cared about dearly. For the first few years after his passing I started finding pennies. I found it very strange that I found them constantly, until I heard about signs left by people who have passed. Since then, when I find a penny I think of him and others I have lost in my life.

Yesterday, I woke up like I have for the last few weeks - extremely overwhelmed. So much to do and little time to do it. I wrote in my journal, which usually gives me a little relief and clarity, but yesterday I didn't feel it... I went out to get gas and go grocery shopping. As I stepped out of my car at the gas station, I looked down and found penny - heads up. As I picked up the penny and rubbed it with my thumb, I felt relief and clarity.

Someone who I have lost was reminding me that everything was going to be okay and that I could do what I needed to do to get it all done. Thank you Ray.

Pets - How do they know??

Last year our three cows started running from one field to the next. They were bucking all over the place. Stopping at the fences and looking all over the place. They kept thundering by, so I stopped to observe their very strange behavior for a while. The next day in the paper there was an article about an earthquake north of Ferndale - right where we were at. It was a small earthquake, so I didn't feel it. The cows sure did...

How do the cats know to cough up a hair ball on a freshly made bed?? How do the dogs know to get sick when the checking account is almost zero? My goodness even the rooster knows when to get suck in the dog kennel as I am in a huge rush out the door!!!

Either way, I love them all. Even when Abby barks like crazy at 5:30 am. Even when Sucia chews up one of William's toys, which then becomes hers. Even when the darn cats cry in the middle of the night.

Abby, our protector, would run out to put herself at risk to protect us. Sucia, our sweet girl, knows before I am going to cry to come to my side. Sabrina, my rock, who knows things before they happen. Mickey, mama's boy, who loves to hide, but comes to me at all hours of the night for a little love. Our chickens who give us yummy eggs and our rooster who protects them from danger.

We love you all and hope you live long and happy lives.

And when you see cows act extra strange, maybe go outside for a little bit - might be the Big One...

9 months of laughing

9 months is a big step.

9 months ago, I touched William for the first time. I fed him. I held him. I touched his tiny toes and fingers. I half laughed, half cried "Its a boy!" after many hours of labor. He pawed at me like there was something I needed to do, but really he was touching me for the first time and knew it.

Little did I know that nine months ago I would start a wonderful adventure of a growing heart. I didn't realize that my heart could grow this big and continue growing everyday.

My story starts on November 3rd when I went to the midwife. She completed the exam and we started a plan to get him out - he was 9 days late at this moment we had 5 days to get him out before I needed to head to the hospital. She stripped my membranes and off I went. She told me that usually this doesn't cause labor to start, but my gut was telling me otherwise.

I headed home - planned on running errands and decided to go home and take a nap instead. I tried to take a nap and suddenly got up at about 3:30 pm with 1 minute contractions 2 to 3 minutes apart. Every contraction was hot on my back. Little did I know, but William was sunny side up and there was much, much more hot coals on my back to come...

I paged the midwives and called my husband. No response... I texted my husband and paged the midwives again. No response... I called my Doula and she answered, she headed to my place right away. Still no response from either my husband or the midwives.

Justas pulled up and I opened the back door as he opened the door to the truck I yelled "The baby is coming!!! The baby is coming!!! Why haven't you answered my calls or texts???" Boom had a contraction!

Well little did I know T-Mobile was down for anyone to receive calls for - um - 2 hours or so... So when Kathy arrived we called the midwifes from her phone - Verizon, that is why she got my call ;0) I finally talked to Kristin (the midwife) - what a relief that was for not only me, but her too!! She told me that all the midwives at Gentle Hands Midwifery were trying to get a hold of me -ugh!

Kristin told me it sounded like the beginning stages of labor and to continue with what I was doing and to call her when I was in active labor - um what?? Active labor? Um... Isn't that when you are less than 5 minutes apart with 1 minute or more contractions for more than 1 hour?? Yeah I had been doing that for 2 hours now... I guess I wasn't in active labor... So I did as she asked and Kathy, my doula, got me and Justas set up for labor.

Kathy told me what to look for when I have reached active labor - the only thing I remembered was wanting to vomit... Sure enough a few hours later I had this huge wave of nausea come over me and I told Justas - "Active labor has begun, lets go to the Birth Center."

We called Kristin and she told us to meet her at the Bellingham Birth Center at 9:30 pm. It was 9:00 so we had plenty of time, especially since my husband pack the car up like we were going on a huge trip to La Push, for 3 weeks.

So after each contraction we moved to the car - took about 10 minutes... Got in the car and off we were to bring home our little baby. We arrived at the Birth Center at the same time Kathy did (and another couple - more on that later...). She helped me up to the Center while Justas unpacked out many, many items - little did I know he had packed every bag that was in the room I told him our overnight bag was - Funny.

We walked into the largest of the three rooms and she got me a ball to lay on for my next contraction. Like clockwork my contractions started. I felt warmth slide down my leg. I whispered after my contraction, "My water just broke." Kathy replied, "Well that means we are staying." I smiled at her (since the last thing I wanted to do was repack and head back to the Ranch, because it "wasn't time.").

Kristin took a look a the water and left the room with the towel. She came back in a few moments later. She got on her knees directly in front of me and told me that William had pooped. Tears swelled up in my eyes, from the classes and everything I had read - poop meant an instant transfer to the hospital. My heart began to sink deep, deep down. She interrupted me before I could sink any lower and told me it was okay - "It is the first poop. It's okay" And she went on to explain all the details of when the baby poops and the differences between the first and the second. Justas was video taping at this time, which I didn't know and I am so happy he was, since he caught this very emotional part of our 24 hours. I will never forget what she told me with a big laugh, "We know she has a bum that works."

BTW - everyone thought William was a girl... Except for me - even though I called William a her my heart told me otherwise every time the word "she" slipped off my lips.

Once the little drama of the poop was done, we continued on with the labor. Actually back labor.

The hot coals were tough!! We tried everything to get him turned from sunny side up. BTW: Midwifes have everything up their sleeves! Kristin stayed with me the entire time. It was hard. And there were times when I would tell Kathy that I couldn't do it. But every time she told me I could, so did Kristin and my wonderful husband.

There was a moment at about midnight when I heard a baby cry - ugh! The family who came in at the same time as me - had her little one... I looked up at Kristin who announced it and was very happy for the mother, but inside I was said to myself - Really?? I think Kristin saw my face and added that this was her 3rd child ;0) Oh...

I had the best team taking care of me, my husband who pressed on my back so hard and took my extremely tough grasp, my doula - Kathy the most patient fabulous doula - every, and Kristin, who was the there the entire time. I felt each part of their support at every moment.

I kept asking Kristin, "How much have I dilated??" She told me I was doing great and then a contraction would happen so I would forget she never answered me... She had me all over the room. There were times during the labor I felt him switch from sunny side up to the right way. It was a relief when he did, but only for a moment... Back to the hot coals on my back - ugh!!

The last thing she had me do was lunges - uh yeah - lunges... not any ol' lunges , but lunges on the tub... She told me to do 10 contractions while I was doing the lunges... on each side and I did it!! At one point, after the second leg, I told her, "No more." And she said "Perfect - and you are done." She checked me and she looked up at me with the biggest smile, "You are 9 cm. You are doing it!" I think she was more shock than I was.

I did it, he had flipped and the rest followed suit!!! What an amazing process!!!

So she told me to get back in the tub. Off to the tub I went with a huge smile on my face. It was different. I felt the difference in the contractions since he had switched - no more back labor - Yippee! Thank goodness! Within a few contractions I felt him move thru my cervix. I didn't think it was possible - I had heard and read about it, but I felt him entered the birth canal, it was one of the most unbelievable feelings and I am pretty sure I will never forget it. Suddenly another contraction started and I had this unavoidable desire to push. I looked at Kathy and said, "I feel like pushing. " And she said "Go." And I did. Pushing was 100 times better than the labor, which I think made the rest easy.

About 45 minutes later our little William was born. He entered this world with eyes open and looking for us. Justas caught him and he brought him to me. Justas tells me that he will never forget the face I made the first time I saw William. I don't remember it, but I can only imagine. The feeling of him in my arms for the first time will never every be forgotten.

9 months ago William enter this world with a light I never thought could be possible. He lights up a room with his smile. His laugh is contagious. He is an explorer. He wants to know where the water comes from thru a faucet, what is behind a book and under a mat. He enjoys the presence of everyone in the room and has a smile for everyone - even a stranger. I can tell his heart is full of love and happiness. I am so lucky to have him in my life. I love every moment. I am excited for the future and all the memories.

Happy 9 month birthday William!

Confession #4

I confess:

I love getting up early in the morning,
but I can't get to bed early enough

William wakes up usually at about 5:30 am from his 10 - 11 hours of sleep. He is my alarm clock, and I use the "snooze button" as long as I can while he plays in his crib. But why do I use the "snooze button"?? Well I asked myself this very question this morning and realize I was still very, very tired!!!

Why?

Well I went to sleep at about 10 pm he woke up at about 5:30 so that was about 7 and a half hours. It wasn't very solid sleep, since my husband woke up at 1 am and decided to read (with the light one), and work on a continuing education class on the computer for about one hour or so. Then he got up at 4:30 am and messed around the house for what seemed like forever. In the end I woke up exhausted and I am debating on if I should continue with this post or go take a nap since William just fell asleep. I will finish it.... And then take a nap.

I have been exhausted for a few months now - even though my young child sleeps through the night. I have been trying to figure this one out (medically, etc.) and I think the end result is that I need more sleep.

This is my plan - for the entire week of Aug 8th - Aug 14th I will be going to bed at 8:30 and asleep by 9 pm. If he wakes up at 5:30 this will give me about 9 and a half hours of sleep a night, but really it is 8 and a half, because my husband's alarm starts going off at 4:30 am.

I want to see if this will help my exhaustion level. I hope this is the ticket, because I am sooo tired of being so darn exhausted!!

Now off to my nap. Yippee!!!

3 days down 4 more to go...

Yesterday, I had the best visit with my cousin - Lauren. I am pretty sure I miss her already, just like I miss her mother (haven't seen her for over 4 years). William adored Lauren and gave her kisses any chance he could - as is captured in the second photo ;0) Oh yes the chin is a perfect place to give someone a big fat sloppy kiss! What a fun day we all had!

T.V. Rehab

I began this wonderful day waking up to my husband getting up at 6 am to get our little man a bottle - my once a week little time of heaven.

We were waking up at on Samish Island, actually the place we got married almost 3 years ago. My day was full of relaxation with the family, reading "The White Queen" by Philippa Gregory on my Kiddle, and taking naps. We arrived home from our weekend of a date night, crabbing, fishing, relaxing, reading, etc. this afternoon.

I walked through the door and went to turn on the good ol' T.V. - it was calling my name and saying... "Errrrinnnn... what has happened in the last two days???" As I turned towards my 15 year old T.V./VCR I bent down and unplugged it - oh my!!! It screamed at me - What if there was an earthquake in a location I have never been and will most likely never go?? What if something amazing happened that never has happened before??? What if something happened to a celebrity???

I turned to my almost 9 month old, who was looking at me like I was absolutely crazy since I was just starring at the T.V,, and asked him what he wanted to do? So we checked on the chickens, picked and ate blackberries, watered the pumpkins (I have 6 pumpkins - my heart just got very excited as I typed that!!), went for a walk (which involved our chocolate lab - Abby - chasing a baby coyote, who was just a few feet away from us in the tall grass) and Miss Lady following happily behind us.

I ignored my square box companion for the rest of the afternoon and I tracked down my IPOD and stereo, which I could attach my IPOD to and it would play music... I decided to "Shuffle" the songs - well that made me decide I needed to delete a few song I listened to when I was giving birth to William...

Something came on - after skipping a few "out there" hypnotic pieces - Chopin... Not only Chopin, but "Chopin in Warsaw." BTW - if you don't know this part of my - I LOVE classical music, but not only classical, but Chopin! I use to imagine myself on a huge stage playing a piece, on the piano, from Chopin by memory to concert goers. William, who was bathed, dressed and fed for bed looked at the stereo and started moving to the beat of the piece that just showed up on my IPOD... I turned it up and we danced. He laughed, bounced and sang (yep William sings - he doesn't know words, but he sure does know how to hum to the music) We danced till he got so tired he was sleeping in my arms.

My first day of no T.V. has been my new piece of heaven and I love it!