Just a little out there

His right side is extremely swollen - this was right before we heading to the doctor's office the night we were sent to the hospital.

Almost 2 weeks ago my little 13 month old was rushed to Children's Hospital in Seattle from St. Joe's in the Ham.  In the end, William ended up with an infected lymph node.  It was scary for him (and for us).  I can't explain all the emotions I felt and pretty sure I am going to keep it all to myself, but something happened to the connection Will and I have. 
We became connected like I never knew could every be possible.

It is a little out there, but we experience something I am pretty sure has happened to other moms, but they either knew it happened or just didn't realized it.

Here is the story:

We woke after a night at Children's (the first night I had gotten more than a block of 3 hours of sleep in over a month...).  William had slept - finally.  When he woke in the am the nurse came in to the room to complete her every 4 hour vital check.  He screamed and cried and screamed some more.  We changed him and got him comfortable again.   I sat in the chair, the nurse had brought, and he fell into my arms - exhausted.  His daddy packed up and heading home to get clothes and check on the Ranch for a possible additional night. 

I rocked our little man as he slept in my arms.  My head was up against his.  I felt his chest take a breath and then another.  I said something and he responded.  He suddenly sighed after I explained to him what was happening and why the nurses and doctors needed to check him and give him medicine.  Not one word left my lips during the entire conversation with him, but I knew - he understood what I told him.  He asked questions and I answered them...  He took many huge sighs, and in the end he understood and finally relaxed.  

Quiet tears ran down my face as he slept - the first time I cried since the doctor at PeaceHealth told me that we needed to rush him to St Joe's in an ambulance due to the risk of him not being able to breath if we got in an accident. 

But those were tears of fear - these tears were of relief. 

A few hours later, the doctor came into the room to check his tonsil, lymph node and ear.  William didn't make a peep.  He laid there looking at me and the doctor while the doc examined him.  William understood what was happening - finally.  Exam after another, he laid there extremely patient.  In the evening we were sent home.

Ever since that moment I have been able to open my mind, relax and talk to him.  He has been able to talk to me too.  He is more relaxed.  He is more understanding and patient. 

Maybe it is listening to my gut.  Maybe it is all a part of some new age stuff - I mean really talking with your mind!!??

Either way - our connection has always been there with the two of us.  I guess I never realized it until that moment in the hospital.  When I was pregnant someone gave me this meditation CD about talking to your baby and asking it questions (even if you weren't pregnant - maybe a little out there, but after this experience I am able to look outside the box...).  We didn't know what we were having, so I opened my mind and asked.  That night I slept (finally) and woke with a clear vision that my baby was a boy. 

Our little master has healed up.  He has gained 1 of the 2.5 pounds he lost.  His smile is back.  His sense of adventure has returned. 

I have my boy back, but gained a world I never knew existed - even if it is little out there...

A hike up to Fragrance Lake

Playing with his new favorite toy Daddy picked out.

New Look, New Job and New Molars

It is amazing what a few months can be filled with...

From watching someone very close to me get married to her soul mate, traveling to Italy with an (almost) one year old, little man going to daycare (part time), running walking all over the place, me going to work full time to 4 molars arriving in little man's tiny mouth (when will teething end?! I have a completely different child on my hands!!!). 

Really there is so much to write about I have no idea where to start.

So I will begin with this:

Everyday - I think about how lucky I am.

I see my boy and can't believe I can love so much.

I hug my husband and think about how wonderfully placed my life is.

 I am the luckiest mama/wife and I love everyday.

Thank you to my boys! 

One year ago...

Happy Birthday William!

The night before...

I have a way of cleaning my house.  If my process gets disrupted the house is a disaster.

We have a small home, which makes my life a whole lot easier... No stairs to walk up and down with laundry.  Our house is not covered in carpet, so vacuuming is a very minimal. 

The only part that drives me crazy is that we have our two wonderful, hairy dogs.  It takes about one day and we have dust (hair) balls in corners.

My day begins every morning with cleaning the floors, since I have a crawling machine who thinks everything on the floor is breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I do the dishes and tidy up the place for the day.  I do laundry, if there is any. Once a week the mop comes out and the vacuum comes out about every three to four days.

The thing is - I do this in the morning.  I am a morning person.  Our little family is usually up by 5:30 am on the weekdays.  If my morning is disrupted then the house doesn't get the much needed attention and it turns into a disaster area for the next day cleaning extravaganza.   

One might say, 'do it at night'...  There are 3 reasons why I don't clean the house at night:

1: My husband and I love to spend time with each other when he gets home.  The last thing we want to do is have a cleaning fest every time. 

2: I am usually too exhausted to even pick up a fork let alone a broom.

3: My feet and knees are usually killing me (what is up with the pain in the knees and feet???), from rocking William standing up (since he can't stand it when I sit to rock him) to crawling around on my knees all day chasing him.  Love doing these thing for him and more.  I just find it a tad strange that I don't notice my pain until he has hit the pillow for the night - adrenaline... 

So, I take the evening to relax with my fabulous, hard working husband.  And enjoy every moment without a care in the world for the mess that is accumulating.  Especially since it will be done by 6:30 am the next morning - why worry about it when I am spending some quality time with my hubby??

Anyway, the point I am getting at is last week was my first day back at work.  Only one full day, but it was significant...  In the am I didn't have time to clean the house, so I came home to an extremely messy house (my husband had also been able to add to it for a few hours before I got home...).

This week I decided that I needed to make a change - clean the house the night before I work and take a shower.  What is nice about easing back into work is that I can test what works for our family.  I am going back to work part time.  Working about 1 to 2 days a week, depending on if my work needs me.  When a full time position becomes available I will hopefully get it. 

Well I have completed these tasks, unfortunately my right knee is hurting so bad I think I might have to dust off the Advil... 

I am happy to know that tomorrow morning all I need to do is getting ready for work, and play with my little man - completely worth the knee pain ;0)

Lose flab - unchecked, rash gone - almost checked...

Backroom - unchecked.

Return back to work (part time - until full time position available) - check

Pack for trip - unchecked

Enjoy the Northwest fall weather - check, check and check

First 9 hour baby sitting experience - check

I definitely have been very busy and I have had a few emotional experiences along with the new events in my life.  

I feel like I keep saying, "when this is done" I will get restarted on the backroom, exercise, etc.  I am coming to the realization - there is always something else coming up.   Therefore - I need to quit making the excuse of exhaustion and/or too busy.

Making exercise, eating healthy and sleeping a full night of sleep, just needs to become a part of my daily life instead of scheduled.

By the way - William's rash is almost gone.  When he gets really upset it flares up, but his skin looks much better:

Also, I went out to the chicken house to pick up the daily eggs and I just about fell down when I saw this egg!!!

Maybe one of my Black Jersey Giants is a hen who knows how to crow???

Trip to the Doc - again...

After using two different treatments on each side and then determining that it might be a bacteria infection since the gel was working better than the cream, we ended up at the doctor's office, again.  It could have been frustrating, but we ended up at the Dermatologist within 30 minutes from arriving at the doc's office - no waits... Not one!

I am very impressed!!!

Within an hour I had gone from our regular doctor to our new dermatologist, without even pulling out my insurance card or filling out any information.  It was one of my best experiences with a team of doctors.

Anyway - back to William's rash - basically he has an extremely chapped chin.  She took a sample to test just in case, but she was very convinced that all it was - was a combination of sensitive skin (my skin - why didn't he get his daddy's skin - WHY???), pacifier, moisture and enzymes (did you know that the enzymes from your mouth can break down your skin, because it is the first step in breaking down food?? No wonder why when I lick my lips when they are chapped makes it worse!!) causing the rash.  She told me that the prescribed gel I used this last week most likely work because it kept it moist and protected longer than the cream - oh that makes sense...   

I asked if he could be allergic to something - pacifier, or formula?  She told me that the pacifier would cause a rash to be all around the mouth, not just the chin area (the direction his slobber moves) and the formula would cause a diaper rash. 

She gave me some directions to help heal the chapping and told me to not expect major results for about 2 weeks.  Plus, she expected the rash to be completely cleared in one month.  Wow - that is a long time for something that happened in just a few days! 

The steps to heal the chapped skin is pretty involved.  I have two prescribed gels which I need to mix and apply 4 times a day, until one week after the rash is completely gone.  Keep it dry, but moist with Vaseline or Diaper Rash Cream (the most preferred by her) all the time. Plus keep the pacifier use significantly down - basically only for naps and bed time.

When I got home, I coated his rash with Burt's Bees Diaper Ointment and this has been the best protection I think I have put on William's little face.  I made a very thick coat of it on this chin (cute little white beard) and it lasted for about 1 hour - pretty impressive!  It didn't soak in right away and it made a perfect layer that didn't wash away or break down as fast as everything else.

We will see and I will update how William is doing.

One Nap

2 hours has passed since I put William down for his first nap.  He is still sleeping. 

Yesterday, I tried the one nap day and it worked out fabulous! 

Today - Day 2 - is working out perfect too!

Yippee!  I am going to see how it goes for the next week.

Monk-Monk can make it all better

Monk-Monk is Williams very best friend.  I washed him yesterday, so he was MIA for the first part of the day.  William gives him huge kisses about 30 times a day and wraps up with him when he sleeps.  Therefore, the first nap of the day was just not the same without Monk-Monk - AKA William would not go to sleep till he was so tuckered out he just couldn't even keep his eyes open. 

While he slept Monk-Monk was fully bathed, dried and he waited very patiently while William slept:

Monk-Monk hanging out with mom and waiting.

After William woke and ate his lunch, Monk-Monk decided it was a perfect time to come on out from the shadows and play with William.

Going for a walk with Monk-Monk on a glorious day in the Pacific Northwest!

Maybe today William's rash will get better, especially with Monk-Monk by his side.

Ouch!

William is a VERY easy child.  Has been since the beginning. 

He started sleeping through the night at 6 and a half weeks. I can sing a song when he is crying and he can stop and smile at me.  He hasn't gotten sick and if he has, he didn't show any signs.  He gets fussy when he has teeth moving, but I have never had to give him anything for the pain other than a chew toy. 

Yes we have had ups and downs, but usually he is a good sport about it or it is over two seconds later. 

A few weeks ago he got this little patch on his chin, next to his lip.  I figured it was a few different things, which developed into this little patch:  The pacifier (I increased use since it was the only time he wouldn't grind his teeth - yes - grind his teeth!), and drool from the 7th tooth coming in.  I asked the doctor about it at the wellness exam, we had last week.  He told me what I had originally suspected.  He suggested a few things and so I started these things.  Within a week William's rash turned into:




Yesterday, I dragging William back to the doctor.  By this point his sleep was effected, he cries when some of his food touches his chin, he is warm at times (no fever, just warmer) and he was throwing tantrum after tantrum.  He had enough! 

The doctor took a look at it.  Unfortunately I didn't leave the doctor's with a complete answer, but we are trying two separate things for my little guy - one on each side.   One is for yeast and the other is for bacteria.  I got home yesterday and washed/dried his face.  I put one on each side and kept the area as dry as possible.  I also decided to feed him some very mild food till this is cleared up. 

At night I reapplied the creme/ointments and put my very sleepy boy to bed (only one nap - again). I started sanitizing everything and reorganizing the toys that are easy to clean for him to play with till this is over.  Talk about a lot of work!!!  I did this a two months ago, but I guess he has more toys now...

A few hours later he woke screaming!  Very, very rare for him - last time he did this, his first front tooth had cut through and he ended up in our bed for the night.  We fed him another bottle and got him calm enough to go back to sleep.  He slept through the rest of night with a few whimpers here and there. 

When he woke this morning I examined the two areas - no difference in appearance, but for the pain I can definitely tell he is feeling less of it - just can't figure out what side. 

I expected to have one side obviously clearer than the other by the morning.  The doctor told me that it will take a few days, but I am being SO very impatient!  I can't stand seeing him so uncomfortable.  Plus, there is a little spot I see about an inch a way from his right eye - ugh!  It feels like it is never ending!  I just need to relax and be patient, this will end soon.  

At least he still has a smile on his face, dancing like crazy, exploring, and laughing till tears are running down his face.  He is such a good sport and being so patient while I clean and treat his little face three times a day. 

Two Naps or One?

Yesterday was a one nap day.  Not because I scheduled it like that... 

William had one nap, because he refused to take his second nap of the day.  He woke from his first nap at 9:30 am (he gets up at 5 or 5:30 am).  From 9:30 am to 5:30 pm he was awake.  He was a pretty good sport until about 5 pm when he completely broke down into a part screaming / part gasping fit. He was in his crib for about 2 -3 hours playing. 

Today we are on track for another one nap day... Right now he is playing in his crib with a few bits of whining here and there.  He has been doing this for about 1 hour.  He refuses me to rock him to sleep, which usually works when he is too tired to fall asleep on his own.

So when does a baby go from two to one nap a day??  I think it is too early for him, but his second nap of the day has become a shorter nap - 30 minutes or so.  Or not at all - yesterday.  From what I have read this is one of the first signs that William might be beginning the transition.  I have also read that this transition can take a few months and during the transition he will go from 2 naps to 1 nap to 2 naps, etc.  When he made the transition from 3 naps to 2 naps I recall (really was it that long ago that "I recall"?) the back and forth for a few months till he was on a solid 2 naps a day schedule.

I love my two one and a half hour long naps.  I can get things done around the house, plus I can be a little bit more flexible.  We will see.  I will try a one nap day and see what happens.  Another option is to move around the 2 naps a day schedule...

We will see. 

And he finally sleeps - two naps today!  Thank goodness!!! Or maybe not... I spoke too soon!

Chick then... Rooster? or Hen?

My big black roosters are growing up fast and everyone is crowing in the hen house (um... the rooster house).  Each rooster has his own crow and to tell you the true I am fully enjoying hearing them through out the day.

The Rhode Island Red (Cook #2) was starting to looking like it might be a rooster - the comb was huge and starting to flop over and her beard was a lot bigger than Cooks...  Being my escape artist, the darn thing kept getting into the other area, so I decided to make an area for just this hen or rooster.

Last week I headed out to the hen house to check on everyone and grab the eggs for the day.  I was in the process of grabbing some food for everyone when in the corner of my eye I saw a TON of eggs!  7 to be exact!  I just stood there pretty dumb founded until I realized that my little Cook #2 was a Hen - Yippee!!! And she laid 7 eggs in 24 hours!!!  She had made a nest in the bail of straw, which is in her area.  I felt like I could pick her up and hug her, but I wasn't in the mood for running around trying to grab her, so I wait till she was roosting later that night.

Ever since that day, she has laid at least an egg a day (sometimes 2!) - even better than Singer.  Here is the one I found yesterday and here is my new producer:

Now for a name...  Stay tuned.

A Bowl of Fun

 

 Where is William?

 There you are!

 Where might William be?

 There he is!

 William, where did you go???

Here I am silly mama!  I have been here the whole time!

It is amazing to me that we could play this game fifty million times a day and he just doesn't get sick of it!!!

And he could play it with anything, a corner of a wall, his Tag, a small block, a book... The list goes on and on. 

I love the joy a child has for the simplest things!

Organizing a Messy Room

Remember my "Storage Room"?

Well I have been moving along with my list everyday.  I realized while I was clearing everything that I work on a system.  So I broke down my organizing into phases for this room:

Phase One:

Start and get organized... I began with going through all of my books.  I find that if I am delaying something it most likely means it is going to take a lot of time, which is hard to come by with a small child of 10 months.  Naps and when he went to bed was my only time to get my first major step done.  I completed it in 3 naps - 1 and a half days!  I was shocked and on a rolled, so I organized the room into do to tasks and wrote a list of 30 things to do.  I took all my books to Village Books in Bellingham, WA and I got a pretty hefty credit to spend there.  1st Phase done - Yippee!

Phase Two:

Complete your to do list.  Most of the items are small, some I need help with from my husband and there are a few which involve time.  Going through photos is the biggest one and I am almost done!  I have completed about 5 small ones.  And in the process of completed a few others.  This weekend I have my husband scheduled to follow me around with all of his tools in tow to complete a few tasks (I love you my sweet husband!).   There is something so satisfying when marking a check next to an item on my to do list, especially when I mark it right before William wakes from his nap.

Phase Three:

Make the room your own.  This one I have been kind of going along and doing this in small areas, but at the end of Phase Two, I will have a pretty open room (at least in front of the window).  We have lots of ideas, but we are going to wait till is it done to get started on Phase Three.

Too Many Roosters in the Hen House

A few Sundays ago, my husband came into the house after putting up a new roost in our chicken house saying, "Well I found out who is crowing in the hen house..."

Lets back it up a moment.  Last year I started out with 6 chicks (2 Rhode Island Reds, 2 Barred Rocks, and 2 Buffed Orpingtons).  We adopted a Rhode Island Red Rooster from my father-in-law and we were set, until the birds of prey and coyotes moved into the hen's 2 acre area during the winter.  We lost 3 chickens in a span of 3 months, so I decided to get more chickens to replace the ones we had lost.  In the end I ended up with 2 Jersey Black Giants, 2 Golden Wyandottes and 2 Rhode Island Red hens.  We also had one "successful" hatching at the ranch - successful meaning it hatched, but the poor thing has a bent neck and toes.  We sexed him - a rooster - another rooster... So we think if we did it right.

My old flock and new flock were introduced on the 15th of Aug.  The transition went very well, but I do have some very distinct cliques:

• Clique #1 are the Pros - RIR Rooster, 2 Buffed Orpingtons (Singer and Boss) and Barred Rock (Cotton Ball)

• Clique #2 are the Killer New Hens - one Rhode Island Red (Cook) and 2 Golden Wyandottes (Goldie, and Sage)

• Clique #3 are the Misfits - 2 Jersey Black Giants and Scrappy (born at the ranch)

• Clique #4 is the Lone Rider - one Rhode Island Red - Cook #2 for right now...

The only one who has been interested in hanging out with Pros is The Lone Rider.  I have found out that she loves the old place which she was in before the chicken house, so she has found every possible way to get to that location - very determined this one is.

The Misfits haven't gone outside or gotten off the ground.  The Killer New Hens are fabulous, they have taken to the roost and 2 of them have each laid an egg.

A few weeks ago, we were out in the back field and we all heard a crow that was not our RIR rooster.  I was a tad startled and went to the chicken house to find out who it was.  Of course nobody crowed when I went in there.  For the next few weeks we heard this great crow - a crow that sounded half like a turkey.  We were able to determine that it was definitely coming from our chicken house.

Last weekend I was determined to get a new roost up for the chickens. The Jersey Giants were not interested in the current roost.  My wonderful husband who helps me out with a big smile on his face went to put up the roast, came back with a shocked face and told me he figured out who has been crowing and it wasn't the rooster who was hatched here.

"It was one of your big black hens - uh actually roosters."

I stared at him in disbelief.  "The Jersey Giants? One of them? Which one?" As he is telling me the story I am thinking to myself well if one is a Rooster then the other one is too - they look the both look the same!!

After waiting a few days, sure enough one of my two Jersey Giants crowed while I was feeding them.  I started looking at all of the other new hens and realized I might just have another one. My Lone Ranger is looking a little like our RIR did when he was a little guy...

So far I have 3 roosters, possible 2 (one RIR and the other is Scrappy).  We determined we will wait till the spring to find out what we will do with all of our roosters.  Right now they are living just fine together, so we will see and I will update you all. 

I think my hen house is turning into a rooster house. 

I felt it today... Just a taste...

Fall.

The first round of apples are ready.  The pumpkins are starting to turn orange.  The blackberries are ripe and covered in gorgeous dew soaked spider webs in the morning.  The flowers are turning brown, except for the dahlias and the sunflowers.  The veggie garden is more than ready to harvest.

The mornings are beginning later and the evenings are starting earlier.  The fields are golden.  And I saw a leaf fall yesterday.  The wind from the Fraser Valley has started in the afternoons. 

The mist on the fields have thickened each morning.  I heard my first flock of geese fly over my head when it rained last.

A few years ago Fall was my favorite time of the year.  My heart would skip a beat when I would get a taste of it.  Then I was introduced to Spring...  I have to say - I love them both equally.

I love the Northwest.  I will admit there are times I need to get away from it (pretty rarely), but I truly love it.  I love the rain.  I love the sun.  I love the snow - when we get it. I love the wind storms in the fall and the thunderstorms at the most random times of the year.  I love it when it is too hot to breath, knowing tomorrow it will be over.  I love that in the Summer you can sleep with a sheet and in the Winter you can sleep with a thick down comforter. 

I am sad Summer is going, especially since it started late.  I do love the cool early mornings and the sunny afternoons and evenings.  

We have it all here in the northwest.  We don't have the extremes like other places.  We have a taste of all seasons.

I love the Northwest for the taste it gives us.

A taste of a season to a point at which one can get sick of it and then it is gone.  Gone for one more year - Maybe...

50 lbs of Pickling Cucumbers...

What does one do with 50 pounds of pickling cucumbers??

Just a few jars.

You could make Kosher Dill Pickles, Bread and Butter pickles, Hot Kosher Dill Pickles and Mustard Pickles... You could mix it up a bit and use the same recipe, but use white vinegar instead of cider vinegar.  How about doing a batch of whole pickles and the next half them??   How about giving 12 pounds of cucumbers away?  In the end remember your feet and lower back need a massage and time to recuperate...  

About one month ago I called a local farm to see if they had pickling cucumbers available.  The lady over the phone told me, "not yet, but in a few weeks they will be ready."  So I ordered two 25 boxes of cucumbers, thinking that 50 pounds wasn't too much.  Oh boy was I wrong!!!

In the end, my book project went out the door when I got my phone call from the farm I ordered them from.  My project and many other things have been on the back burner and I will be starting on my book project on Sunday, Aug 29 - take two.

I haven't been too lazy - other than making 51 pints and 7 quarts of pickling products - I have done some small stuff that makes me smile as I open my pantry and other cupboards in my home.

Clutter - you are moving out!

Confession #5: Clutter, Clutter, Clutter

I confess:

We have TOO much stuff and it drives me crazy!

Paperwork to be filed.  So many books they don't all fit on the bookshelf.  Pictures and masks that need to be hung up or taken to Goodwill.  An old computer I need to download files and recycle.  A box full of pictures and CDs of photos.  A file cabinet that needs to be emptied and taken away.  Baby stuff not using.  A freezer full of food we need to use.  Baby proofing doors, corners, etc.  Kitchen supplies unorganized.  Kitchen cabinets that need to be gutted.  A hallway full of stuff for the kitchen.  An unorganized pantry, which is full of food.  Wires that need to be tossed or labeled.

Really, I could go on and this is only the inside of the house.  The outside is it's own little world of crazy!

This is very tough for me to do, but here is what a small potion of what I am talking about looks like:

Hallway: I organized this the other day and it looks WAY better!! My husband really wants to hang shelves.

Bookshelf: Yeah the boxes near it are FULL of books...

I am speechless...

I decided to show the worst.  What is a confession if you can't just throw the worst part out for the world to see? 

The room that is in the last two photos was turned into a fabulous room - thanks to my spectacular in-laws, but instead has been turned into what Auntie Ellen and Nana call, the "Storage Room."  I hear that phrase and it makes me sick (and overwhelmed)!  This room was NOT made to be a "Storage Room!"  And I need to change this ASAP!!! 

I have a plan - I will not bore you with all the steps since this would take forever to list - ugh!

The general plan is

• Work on the stuff my husband will need to help me with, like hang pictures, move large items, etc as we go and when he has time.  
• I will also tackle small steps myself, like organize a cupboard in the kitchen, go through expired baking stuff, etc.
• The big stuff I will be breaking them down into weeks, for example:  Books.  I am going to go though all the books when little man sleeps and will pack them in my car as the week goes.  On Saturday I will take the books to Village Books to exchange as many as possible for in store credit. 

My list is long and I am expecting this to take about one month. 

My goal in the end is to have:

• Cleared out "Storage Room," so my husband and I can make the room into what we have always envisioned it to be
• Organized closets, kitchen, hallway and pantry 
• No more clutter!

This week: I am going to do the book task and will schedule a day or two with my husband to get things done where I his help.

Lets get started!!!

Updates...

Lately I have made a few confessions, which I would like to update you all on:  

Confession #2: Grounding myself from the T.V. for a week was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I completed a full week of no T.V.  My husband ended up loving it!  Reading in bed with my wonderful man was one of the best parts!  We have continued to limit T.V.  It is very easy to get back into the swing of keeping the T.V. on all day, but after a day I really was just sick to my stomach - again.  Therefore, I have started a routine, sticking to it and it is working - Yippee!!

Confession #3:  As for my body change - not really going as planned, but I am working on it  I have lost a little over 4 pounds in 2 and a half weeks.  Um wait!  I am on track!!!  Oh my!  When I really look at the pounds lost per week - lost 3 the first week and 1 on the next.  Yippee again!!  I guess I feel, I am not doing great, because I haven't been exercising as planned and still eating like I did before.  I guess a little exercise can go a long way!

Confession #4:  Yeah my plan didn't work everyday.  I am pretty sure I was asleep before 9:00 one time.  I definitely focused on it and stayed up only once passed 11 (couldn't put my new book I am reading down).  I think it is very difficult to do this when the weather is warm and sunny out, especially since in the northwest we have VERY few of these kinds of days.  I am going to continue focusing on getting bed earlier and make my goal to be asleep between 9:30 and 10:00 going forward.  If I feel like I need more rest then I will try another week of a bedtime at 8:30, maybe in late Sept or early Oct... 

Now for the a big confession, I will announce this one soon.  I think it is more like a confession that will create a lot of work for me (and my husband).  I have to plan this one out a little bit more.  Might take a month to get it all done...

Look who can pull himself up!

Up, Down - Down, Up

My child has been introduced to the world of crawling. He is amazed at himself - he can go anywhere. Just about anyway...

A few weeks ago, William started the army crawl. He is a very, very fast mover.

With two dogs and two cats our floors are not very clean, so I have been trying to keep him in an area the size of a king size sheet (yeah right...). Yesterday, our cleaning lady came over. She cleaned what I can't stand cleaning the most - the floors (and the tub). She walked out the door and I put him down to explore his new world. Oh the things he found! He has such a great time!!

Then this thing started happened... He would crawl over to me and put his hand in the air for me to pick him up. So I picked him up. Two seconds later he twisted his body, because he wanted to get back on the ground. After a few moments of crawling then his hand was back in the air and fussing... Oh my!

This morning he was tired and wanted to sleep... He pulled his Binky out of his mouth and tossed in on the ground. I left it. He turned his body around to find his Binky and then the fussing started.

It is funny to say, but I love it. I love that he is figure out the cause and effect of different things. Yes it can be frustrating, but he has figured it out pretty quick - he drops his Binky then he doesn't have the Binky anymore.

I am also finding what he wants is more complicated, but I need to remind myself that usually my first instinct is right on.

A few days ago, I was "that mother" with a fussy baby in a restaurant. The two of us were the first to show up, so I got the table ready. Fed him a bottle. I turned for a few moments and then looked back at him. He had a "I just got scared" look. I have no idea was it was, but it started a chain of events that ended with me leaving early. He started fussing - I changed his diaper, gave him food, soothed his teeth with a cool napkin, etc. Nothing work, so I decided to get going. I could see in the corner of my eye other people looking at me. The strange this was I didn't care people in a restaurant who I will never see again, especially since he doesn't act like this at all, so there was something that was bother him. Right when I got him in the car seat he was fine. He was the happiest baby for the rest of the evening (8 o'clock - when his bedtime is 6 or 7...) and didn't even cry one tear from the moment he got in the car seat.

Something scared him that evening and he couldn't tell me what it was. My gut told me that he was uncomfortable - not due to teeth, hungry belly, belly ache, tired or dirty diaper - it was more complicated than that. And I knew it. I think that there was so much going on, suggestions (which are more than welcome), other patrons, my concern for others having a good time, etc., which made me feel like a less than patient mom who didn't know what was wrong with her small child.

I will be going with my gut from now on and remind myself to breath so I can hear what it is saying.

Lucky Penny Found

About 13 years ago I started finding pennies every where. A few years later, I heard when you lose someone you love they might reach out to you through signs, one being pennies.

13 years ago we lost someone we cared about dearly. For the first few years after his passing I started finding pennies. I found it very strange that I found them constantly, until I heard about signs left by people who have passed. Since then, when I find a penny I think of him and others I have lost in my life.

Yesterday, I woke up like I have for the last few weeks - extremely overwhelmed. So much to do and little time to do it. I wrote in my journal, which usually gives me a little relief and clarity, but yesterday I didn't feel it... I went out to get gas and go grocery shopping. As I stepped out of my car at the gas station, I looked down and found penny - heads up. As I picked up the penny and rubbed it with my thumb, I felt relief and clarity.

Someone who I have lost was reminding me that everything was going to be okay and that I could do what I needed to do to get it all done. Thank you Ray.

Pets - How do they know??

Last year our three cows started running from one field to the next. They were bucking all over the place. Stopping at the fences and looking all over the place. They kept thundering by, so I stopped to observe their very strange behavior for a while. The next day in the paper there was an article about an earthquake north of Ferndale - right where we were at. It was a small earthquake, so I didn't feel it. The cows sure did...

How do the cats know to cough up a hair ball on a freshly made bed?? How do the dogs know to get sick when the checking account is almost zero? My goodness even the rooster knows when to get suck in the dog kennel as I am in a huge rush out the door!!!

Either way, I love them all. Even when Abby barks like crazy at 5:30 am. Even when Sucia chews up one of William's toys, which then becomes hers. Even when the darn cats cry in the middle of the night.

Abby, our protector, would run out to put herself at risk to protect us. Sucia, our sweet girl, knows before I am going to cry to come to my side. Sabrina, my rock, who knows things before they happen. Mickey, mama's boy, who loves to hide, but comes to me at all hours of the night for a little love. Our chickens who give us yummy eggs and our rooster who protects them from danger.

We love you all and hope you live long and happy lives.

And when you see cows act extra strange, maybe go outside for a little bit - might be the Big One...

9 months of laughing

9 months is a big step.

9 months ago, I touched William for the first time. I fed him. I held him. I touched his tiny toes and fingers. I half laughed, half cried "Its a boy!" after many hours of labor. He pawed at me like there was something I needed to do, but really he was touching me for the first time and knew it.

Little did I know that nine months ago I would start a wonderful adventure of a growing heart. I didn't realize that my heart could grow this big and continue growing everyday.

My story starts on November 3rd when I went to the midwife. She completed the exam and we started a plan to get him out - he was 9 days late at this moment we had 5 days to get him out before I needed to head to the hospital. She stripped my membranes and off I went. She told me that usually this doesn't cause labor to start, but my gut was telling me otherwise.

I headed home - planned on running errands and decided to go home and take a nap instead. I tried to take a nap and suddenly got up at about 3:30 pm with 1 minute contractions 2 to 3 minutes apart. Every contraction was hot on my back. Little did I know, but William was sunny side up and there was much, much more hot coals on my back to come...

I paged the midwives and called my husband. No response... I texted my husband and paged the midwives again. No response... I called my Doula and she answered, she headed to my place right away. Still no response from either my husband or the midwives.

Justas pulled up and I opened the back door as he opened the door to the truck I yelled "The baby is coming!!! The baby is coming!!! Why haven't you answered my calls or texts???" Boom had a contraction!

Well little did I know T-Mobile was down for anyone to receive calls for - um - 2 hours or so... So when Kathy arrived we called the midwifes from her phone - Verizon, that is why she got my call ;0) I finally talked to Kristin (the midwife) - what a relief that was for not only me, but her too!! She told me that all the midwives at Gentle Hands Midwifery were trying to get a hold of me -ugh!

Kristin told me it sounded like the beginning stages of labor and to continue with what I was doing and to call her when I was in active labor - um what?? Active labor? Um... Isn't that when you are less than 5 minutes apart with 1 minute or more contractions for more than 1 hour?? Yeah I had been doing that for 2 hours now... I guess I wasn't in active labor... So I did as she asked and Kathy, my doula, got me and Justas set up for labor.

Kathy told me what to look for when I have reached active labor - the only thing I remembered was wanting to vomit... Sure enough a few hours later I had this huge wave of nausea come over me and I told Justas - "Active labor has begun, lets go to the Birth Center."

We called Kristin and she told us to meet her at the Bellingham Birth Center at 9:30 pm. It was 9:00 so we had plenty of time, especially since my husband pack the car up like we were going on a huge trip to La Push, for 3 weeks.

So after each contraction we moved to the car - took about 10 minutes... Got in the car and off we were to bring home our little baby. We arrived at the Birth Center at the same time Kathy did (and another couple - more on that later...). She helped me up to the Center while Justas unpacked out many, many items - little did I know he had packed every bag that was in the room I told him our overnight bag was - Funny.

We walked into the largest of the three rooms and she got me a ball to lay on for my next contraction. Like clockwork my contractions started. I felt warmth slide down my leg. I whispered after my contraction, "My water just broke." Kathy replied, "Well that means we are staying." I smiled at her (since the last thing I wanted to do was repack and head back to the Ranch, because it "wasn't time.").

Kristin took a look a the water and left the room with the towel. She came back in a few moments later. She got on her knees directly in front of me and told me that William had pooped. Tears swelled up in my eyes, from the classes and everything I had read - poop meant an instant transfer to the hospital. My heart began to sink deep, deep down. She interrupted me before I could sink any lower and told me it was okay - "It is the first poop. It's okay" And she went on to explain all the details of when the baby poops and the differences between the first and the second. Justas was video taping at this time, which I didn't know and I am so happy he was, since he caught this very emotional part of our 24 hours. I will never forget what she told me with a big laugh, "We know she has a bum that works."

BTW - everyone thought William was a girl... Except for me - even though I called William a her my heart told me otherwise every time the word "she" slipped off my lips.

Once the little drama of the poop was done, we continued on with the labor. Actually back labor.

The hot coals were tough!! We tried everything to get him turned from sunny side up. BTW: Midwifes have everything up their sleeves! Kristin stayed with me the entire time. It was hard. And there were times when I would tell Kathy that I couldn't do it. But every time she told me I could, so did Kristin and my wonderful husband.

There was a moment at about midnight when I heard a baby cry - ugh! The family who came in at the same time as me - had her little one... I looked up at Kristin who announced it and was very happy for the mother, but inside I was said to myself - Really?? I think Kristin saw my face and added that this was her 3rd child ;0) Oh...

I had the best team taking care of me, my husband who pressed on my back so hard and took my extremely tough grasp, my doula - Kathy the most patient fabulous doula - every, and Kristin, who was the there the entire time. I felt each part of their support at every moment.

I kept asking Kristin, "How much have I dilated??" She told me I was doing great and then a contraction would happen so I would forget she never answered me... She had me all over the room. There were times during the labor I felt him switch from sunny side up to the right way. It was a relief when he did, but only for a moment... Back to the hot coals on my back - ugh!!

The last thing she had me do was lunges - uh yeah - lunges... not any ol' lunges , but lunges on the tub... She told me to do 10 contractions while I was doing the lunges... on each side and I did it!! At one point, after the second leg, I told her, "No more." And she said "Perfect - and you are done." She checked me and she looked up at me with the biggest smile, "You are 9 cm. You are doing it!" I think she was more shock than I was.

I did it, he had flipped and the rest followed suit!!! What an amazing process!!!

So she told me to get back in the tub. Off to the tub I went with a huge smile on my face. It was different. I felt the difference in the contractions since he had switched - no more back labor - Yippee! Thank goodness! Within a few contractions I felt him move thru my cervix. I didn't think it was possible - I had heard and read about it, but I felt him entered the birth canal, it was one of the most unbelievable feelings and I am pretty sure I will never forget it. Suddenly another contraction started and I had this unavoidable desire to push. I looked at Kathy and said, "I feel like pushing. " And she said "Go." And I did. Pushing was 100 times better than the labor, which I think made the rest easy.

About 45 minutes later our little William was born. He entered this world with eyes open and looking for us. Justas caught him and he brought him to me. Justas tells me that he will never forget the face I made the first time I saw William. I don't remember it, but I can only imagine. The feeling of him in my arms for the first time will never every be forgotten.

9 months ago William enter this world with a light I never thought could be possible. He lights up a room with his smile. His laugh is contagious. He is an explorer. He wants to know where the water comes from thru a faucet, what is behind a book and under a mat. He enjoys the presence of everyone in the room and has a smile for everyone - even a stranger. I can tell his heart is full of love and happiness. I am so lucky to have him in my life. I love every moment. I am excited for the future and all the memories.

Happy 9 month birthday William!

Confession #4

I confess:

I love getting up early in the morning,
but I can't get to bed early enough

William wakes up usually at about 5:30 am from his 10 - 11 hours of sleep. He is my alarm clock, and I use the "snooze button" as long as I can while he plays in his crib. But why do I use the "snooze button"?? Well I asked myself this very question this morning and realize I was still very, very tired!!!

Why?

Well I went to sleep at about 10 pm he woke up at about 5:30 so that was about 7 and a half hours. It wasn't very solid sleep, since my husband woke up at 1 am and decided to read (with the light one), and work on a continuing education class on the computer for about one hour or so. Then he got up at 4:30 am and messed around the house for what seemed like forever. In the end I woke up exhausted and I am debating on if I should continue with this post or go take a nap since William just fell asleep. I will finish it.... And then take a nap.

I have been exhausted for a few months now - even though my young child sleeps through the night. I have been trying to figure this one out (medically, etc.) and I think the end result is that I need more sleep.

This is my plan - for the entire week of Aug 8th - Aug 14th I will be going to bed at 8:30 and asleep by 9 pm. If he wakes up at 5:30 this will give me about 9 and a half hours of sleep a night, but really it is 8 and a half, because my husband's alarm starts going off at 4:30 am.

I want to see if this will help my exhaustion level. I hope this is the ticket, because I am sooo tired of being so darn exhausted!!

Now off to my nap. Yippee!!!

3 days down 4 more to go...

Yesterday, I had the best visit with my cousin - Lauren. I am pretty sure I miss her already, just like I miss her mother (haven't seen her for over 4 years). William adored Lauren and gave her kisses any chance he could - as is captured in the second photo ;0) Oh yes the chin is a perfect place to give someone a big fat sloppy kiss! What a fun day we all had!

T.V. Rehab

I began this wonderful day waking up to my husband getting up at 6 am to get our little man a bottle - my once a week little time of heaven.

We were waking up at on Samish Island, actually the place we got married almost 3 years ago. My day was full of relaxation with the family, reading "The White Queen" by Philippa Gregory on my Kiddle, and taking naps. We arrived home from our weekend of a date night, crabbing, fishing, relaxing, reading, etc. this afternoon.

I walked through the door and went to turn on the good ol' T.V. - it was calling my name and saying... "Errrrinnnn... what has happened in the last two days???" As I turned towards my 15 year old T.V./VCR I bent down and unplugged it - oh my!!! It screamed at me - What if there was an earthquake in a location I have never been and will most likely never go?? What if something amazing happened that never has happened before??? What if something happened to a celebrity???

I turned to my almost 9 month old, who was looking at me like I was absolutely crazy since I was just starring at the T.V,, and asked him what he wanted to do? So we checked on the chickens, picked and ate blackberries, watered the pumpkins (I have 6 pumpkins - my heart just got very excited as I typed that!!), went for a walk (which involved our chocolate lab - Abby - chasing a baby coyote, who was just a few feet away from us in the tall grass) and Miss Lady following happily behind us.

I ignored my square box companion for the rest of the afternoon and I tracked down my IPOD and stereo, which I could attach my IPOD to and it would play music... I decided to "Shuffle" the songs - well that made me decide I needed to delete a few song I listened to when I was giving birth to William...

Something came on - after skipping a few "out there" hypnotic pieces - Chopin... Not only Chopin, but "Chopin in Warsaw." BTW - if you don't know this part of my - I LOVE classical music, but not only classical, but Chopin! I use to imagine myself on a huge stage playing a piece, on the piano, from Chopin by memory to concert goers. William, who was bathed, dressed and fed for bed looked at the stereo and started moving to the beat of the piece that just showed up on my IPOD... I turned it up and we danced. He laughed, bounced and sang (yep William sings - he doesn't know words, but he sure does know how to hum to the music) We danced till he got so tired he was sleeping in my arms.

My first day of no T.V. has been my new piece of heaven and I love it!

Confession #3

I confess:

I love my body, but can't stand the jiggle.

I love the shape of my body, so does my husband. He makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive. He loves my belly - the belly that has been stretched out enough to hold a 8 lb 12 oz baby. Yes there are stretch marks, TMI alert - which turns him on. Oh, have I mentioned this yet? I love my husband.

The only problem I have with my body is the jiggle. When I walk I can feel my sides jiggle. When I wave I can feel my arms jiggle. When I am in our Ford truck, which is extremely bouncy, I feel my stomach jiggle.

What to I need to do to fix this - well it is pretty simple:

1. Exercise!
   
2. Eat a healthy balance diet
3. Sleep
4. Drink lots of water and less beverages that dehydrate my body

Therefore lets begin. I am not much for determining if I feel great by my weight, but I do feel it is a good marker and goal maker for me. My goal weight most likely will change, because my body has changes since the birth of my child. I have also taken measurements and will take them in the end. Right now I measure at a 10 and 8, depending on what part of me is measured.. My goal is to get back to my favorite size of 6. I am very open to the possibly that I might feel perfect at a different size, so we will see!

Goal #1: Today I weight 149.2 lbs my goals is to weigh 130 lbs. I would like to lose this weight by Sept 30, two days before my fabulous friend Jamie's wedding. Here is the good ol' mathematical side of me... I have nine weeks: This will be about 2 pounds a week to lose. In my experience with weight loss this is very extreme, so we will see. I would be very happy with one pound a week, but I am going to buckle down and see what I can do.

Goal #2: Have sexy calves and arms for the wedding.

Goal #3: Fall in love with clothes again... I have noticed that my body has changed quite a bit since carrying little William. Of course there is the tummy - which I am very proud of (stretch marks and all). Then there is my wider hip. I have had a few emotional thoughts about the changes, but in the end I love the changes to my body! I carried a gorgeous baby for over nine months and my body did exactly what it needed to do to grow and deliver our healthy boy. I think the biggest transition for me for my new body has been - my clothes don't fit the same. For example - Jeans - an 8 is too tight around the waist and perfect around the hip and a 10 fits around the waist perfectly and I am swimming in the hip and thigh area...

Goal #4: Sleep - basically sleep at least 8 hours a night. I have been one of the lucky ones - my baby sleeps thru the night and has since 6 weeks old. So I have no excuse as to why I don't get a full 8 hours of sleep. I do feel like I need 9 hours, so I am going to experiment to figure out how much I need...

Goal #5: Drink water - I am going to go back to carrying around a water bottle like I did when I was preggo. I would like to drink about 10 cups of water a day.

My top goal is for the jiggle to end, so lets start today!!!

Confession #2

I confess:

I watch too much T.V.

My day usually begins around 5:30 am. While my young child eats, I make coffee and turn on King 5 News. This begins my full day of T.V...

King 5, The Today Show, Live with Regis and Kelly, The View, The Docs, All My Children (watched this since I was in the 4th grade...), Days of our Lives (watched this since I was 12), Dr. Phil or an update on the local news, Ellen, Oprah, King 5 news, Nightly News, King 5 news (again), ET, the Insider, and lastly the Primetime shows that might go on till 11 or when we fall asleep - Ugh!!!

It is embarrassing to admit it, but there I confess: I watch too much T.V.! So much I am pretty sure I just watched my T.V. life flash in front of me when I listed all these shows.

Now lets dig the hole EVEN deeper... How many hours is this? 5:30 am to 10:30 pm = 17 hours of T.V. a day - that is 85 hours a week (usually only watch T.V. like this during the week - so 5 days). I would say over the weekend we watch about 4 hours each day - usually just the news... So then that makes the grand total to be 93 hours of T.V. a week! Now the math in me is breaking out... There are 168 hours in a week.

Therefore in one week I watch T.V. 55% of the time!!! Wow that makes me absolutely sick!

Oh the news:

The funny thing with the news for me is - I love watching it. But it doesn't stop at just watching it, for some reason I just can't get enough of it, so I pull the news up on the computer while I am watching the news, first CNN.com, then the Bellingham Herald and lastly MSNBC.com. OH can't forget the trending on Yahoo.com - kind of addicting... On Bellingham Herald, I get the local news, check the obituaries and lastly check the Whatcom County Jail Bookings - why??? Why do I over stimulate myself with other people's news???

This is the first thing I NEED to change about myself. Stop watching SO much T.V...

My Plan - Blackout:

1. Turn the T.V. completely off for one full week (might be a little difficult since my wonderful husband "has" to fall asleep with the T.V. on... So I will say it is okay to watch movies) - Aug 1st will be the first day of my full week without T.V. - Would anyone like to join me?
2. During this time I will find other activities to fill my time, from writing in my journal, much needed house organizing, cooking, baking, canning, gardening, playing with William, reading, naps, exercise, swimming, walking with friends.
   
3. The second week I will reintroduce only T.V. shows I REALLY want to watch, such as Nightly News. I will only watch T.V. when William is asleep.
   
4. The only way I will get my news during my Blackout week is via the computer. But only limited to 15 minutes a day.
   

This might be hard and I might breakdown - NOPE I will not breakdown! I will not have it! So I need a plan if the darn T.V. starts calling my name in a longing tone. If this happens - out the door I go! Rain or shine. Away from my life long companion, so I can't hear his poor, pitiful voice calling for my attention!

So here I go.. My first step on being a better person.

A Luminous Life

I am needing to make some changes in my life, so I can begin living life to the fullest. I am going to call this journey that I am beginning - A Luminous Life.

I am currently a domestic engineer (as my husband calls me) and I feel like I don't do everything I could do for myself, child and husband. I have decided to make some changes to get everything back in order.

My journey is going to begin tomorrow. My goal is to be done with the majority of my goals by Sept 30th, 2010.

My goals are:

1. Get myself and family on a healthier track for life
   
2. Get organized with A LOT less clutter and stuff
   
3. Worry less about what needs to get done and lack of time in the day
4. Enjoy my life on a daily basis
   

These goals will be ever changing, but these are the main ones.

As I go on this journey, I will make confessions about myself. Each confession will be different - it could be positive, it could be something or an event that has defined who I am, it could be something I just can't stand about myself and feel I need to change it, etc. I will be writing in my journal for the very personal stuff, in addition to blogging about my journey.

In the end I would like to feel like I am not just going through my life day by day wishing I was doing things differently.

My goal is to live A Luminous Life.

Who is my judge?

Me.

I am my biggest critic. But why do I criticize myself?

Well this is what I need to figure out.

It is not fair for me to say others judge me.

I feel like I am being judged, by the standards I think are in place for me. I developed these standards from events in my life, which have helped define them.

I need to determine what these events are and why I placed these standards on myself.

Confession #1

I confess:

I feel like I am not a good person

My husband, my sister-in-law (best friend since middle school) and my therapist (who surprised me when she said this) say, "What? Why do you think that???"

I keep wondering... Why do I feel like this? My husband just asked me again, "Why?" My answer to him surprised even me - "because I feel like everyone around me is not happy with me."

"Why do I feel like everyone is not happy with me" - I ask myself...

Well I have to figure this all out, because it eats at me. I need to gut myself out to figure out why and what can make me a "good person."

How does one do this?

One might say - "Oh my, this lady has no confidence" This is not the case... I have been a very confident person since as long as I can remember... There was a time in my young life that I could have taken the "other" fork in the road to less confidence - thank goodness for my VERY strong mother who made sure I made the right choice when I was WAY too young to make the decision for myself.

That being said, I need to first define what a "good person" is in my opinion (I have a feeling this might change as I go on this journey...):

1. Takes care of him/herself
2. Thoughtfulness
3. Goes out of him/her way for others

Flat out - I don't take care of myself. I am exhausted. I don't exercise on a regular basis. I wish I could eat better. I would LOVE to sleep more (but I sure do love my time after my little man goes to sleep at night...). I should drink more water and less beverages that dehydrate my body. I need to get the house and my life organized.

In the end - I am selfish. I feel like, other than my son, I put myself first.

Fear of judgement blocks me from going out of my way for the people I care the most about, which hurts me the most in the end and makes me feel like a horrible person. Either I feel like I do too much when others don't want it or I don't do enough when others need me. I constantly second guess myself - oh wow! This is were my confidence lacks... And I think I might have a few reasons behind why I feel like this. Later on this one - I am beginning to realize why this might be the case.

I feel extremely overwhelmed by how I feel, but these last couple of days have opened my eyes to realizing I NEED to figure out why "I feel like I am not a good person" and fix it (or at least work on it...).

Here I go...